Back In Bangalore

Back in Bangalore and back to work… It surprises many but not me… Not much of work at office but have been working for almost 12 hours a day… Blame it on me… I love my computer and my cubicle :-D But I miss her more now since I am in Bangalore… I have been thinking about  her a lot…

My roomies also have added to the woes…My roomies suspect rather are almost very sure that I love her… They think that I have not confessed my love to her… They think that I do not have guts to do this… How do I tell them that they are wrong… I do not want to discuss about her in my room… I do not want her to be the topic of any discussion. So have been taking all these comments on my chin… I do not blame them… They are just being friends…

Chat with her have been little scary as well. Do not know what decision she is going to take in her life… All I have and can promise is unconditional love for her… A promise to keep her happy always whatever it takes… But I sometime have this fear that it may not be enough…I do not know… Fucking confused… but I have kept my cool and have not acted weirdly…

Embarrassing

I was in such an embarrassing situation today… I had absolutely no idea how to react… On being asked rather probed that did I watch porn – I admitted to it… It was so bad… I do not know what she is thinking about me now… though she told that she is OK with that and actually thinks that I am a grown up guy (what was she thinking of me earlier!!! thats another story… lets leave it there)… Now how do I prove to her that I am a bit embarrassed about it… How do I tell her that even the most innocent guys in college I know of have watched it… She is a kiddo here but that is not an excuse for me… How do I tell her that even though I got a chance in my 11th and 12th I did not watch it… I use to close my eyes and use to consider it very very rude… But ya watched it in college only…

Guess I am over reacting here… Do not think her opinion about me is going to get very bad, but… Her opinion matters a lot to me…

Can somebody stand and give me a big big kick in my ass… Please do not make me think much about it… Please please… How does one shuts his mind…

Seriously fucked up!!!

I am seriously fucked up since the days I have taken this new responsibility… Have been so fucking busy that I did not get a chance to post a blog also… Wot do I say, where do I start… May be I am taking up lots of load on myself, not wielding the stick when necessary or do not know wots happening… I do not like complaining about anything but this situation is fucked up completely… A team lead is only as good as his team… but I do not know how does one manages a bunch of people who do not want to take up responsibility… lots of politics or shall I say actions because of insecurity… do not know… its wait and  watch now… can feel the real heat only when I am back in India and then only can do something about it…

Wanted to talk to her but she has been very very busy… tried to chat with her but guess again she was busy… but a chat with her will definitely helped a lot… its been 3 weeks…  miss her a lot…